Hospitality: Practice of Faith

Knowing Impostor Syndrome - One Achievement I Am Proud of

In the past, I hardly felt proud of myself, almost never. Knowing I have Impostor Syndrome has resolved my confusion about the inability to affirm myself, even when achieving something that everyone else might have desired for. I did very well as a NIE student and presented three academic papers on pedagogy of teaching Chinese as a second language, at three different international conferences in consecutive years, when I was still a beginning teacher. I achieved what some senior teachers could not throughout their lives. However, when I was a school teacher, the most painstaking job for me was to record my own achievements or accomplishments in my year-end report to be submitted to MOE. I struggled and struggled with it. After I submitted my first draft, my supervisor would remind me, “To be fair, can you please add more positive words to yourself?” Studying at ACTS College, since second semester of last year, I often suspected I was losing my Chinese language as I obtained better grades in English modules than Chinese modules. I was even planning to go to SIM for a year to “gain back” my Chinese.

Now I know this psychological phenomenon is called “Impostor Syndrome.” Knowing my weakness and being courageous to admit it are my victory that I am proud of. Intrapersonal communication and intrapersonal examinations are very important processes that make me a better person. Interpersonal relationships much depend on the outcomes of intrapersonal sensitivity and sensibility. To put it simple, I must know who I am and how I am, then I am able to relate to others better. It is not a shame to confess one’s weakness for “when I am weak, then I am strong.” On one hand, I see the need to lean more on God, just like a child leaning her father’s shoulder; on the other hand, I am aware that I should avoid the unhealthy intrapersonal tendency – the chronic self-doubt and feelings of intellectual fraudulence. I will put more faith in God as well as in myself.

Trying Intentional Marginality - One Practice I Have Found Challenging

Our church has a ministry that serves gamblers. Many years passed, and I only have Sister Pauline from this ministry as my friend. When I try to communicate with the brothers and sisters who used to have gambling habit or addiction, most of they just shun me. Probably because they do not see me identical to them? I have no idea about it. Frankly speaking, I may know their financial constraints and family relationship tensions caused by gambling, but I cannot fathom how vulnerable they are deep inside their hearts.  I think lacking similar background to the people being ministered to could be an obstacle in practising Intentional Marginality. In short, Intentional Marginality needs interpersonal relational space.

Intentional Marginality also needs time. Another factor that attributes to the difficulty of practising Intentional Marginality is fast life pace in Singapore. To taste what the weak taste, to feel what the weak feel, requires someone to set aside the busy schedule and slow down his steps. Living in a hectic life style, I probably have missed many needy ones passing by me. Intentional Marginality is genuine empathy, not sympathy or just a format of condescension. It really takes time. Should I love the needy like Jesus loved the poor with all his heart? It challenges my faith. Or maybe just a humble heart will be enough for Intentional Marginality? When my humility is heartfelt among the weak flesh without stooping or intended guise, I am getting closer to the heart of Jesus. Hence, Intentional Marginality leads to heart-to-heart connections.

Drawing Boundaries – A Lesson for Life

Drawing boundaries to me once was something out of the question, and I had never known how to set boundaries when hospitalizing others. When the Indonesian domestic worker I hired was lavishing my food to entertain her personal friends, I was shocked. But I only saw her problem and never realized it was partly my problem as well. When the study mum and her son who was one of my P6 students then were homeless in Singapore, I sincerely invited the mother and son to stay in my home without charging a single cent of rental. I thought grace should meet grace. I could never expect or imagine that my favourite skirt, a gift from my best friend, was “missing” from my wardrobe in the master room which was unlocked all the time. Well, it did happen.  I didn’t confront the lady and pretended nothing happened, because Jesus said, “If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.” However, deep inside I was really angry with her – how could she have done such a despicable thing to her benefactor? Soon I reminded myself, as a Christian, I was not supposed to harbour anger towards anyone even my “enemy.”   So I knelt down to repent and asked the Lord to forgive me. I returned to the shop where the skirt was purchased hoping to buy back the same skirt, but the sales girl told me “no more stock.” On my way home, I told the Lord, “I have laid down my anger at your feet, but I still miss my skirt so much.”

Until the moment I read about the importance of boundaries in hospitality in Pohl’s book, I realized where I went wrong previously. Listening to Sis Davina’s elaboration on this topic, I was totally set free. Indeed, boundaries set me free to love. I learned that without boundaries it would be difficult to experience the fullness of relationships. Boundaries protect me, help me receive what is important to me and train people how to behave around me. Setting boundaries in hospitality does not mean being stingy or cynical. God expects his people to give what they can give, not to give beyond what they can. Therefore it does not discount my faith in God. And, “hospitality resists boundaries that endanger persons by denying their humanness.” (Pohl)  Hence, from now onwards I will allow myself to set healthy boundaries – to say “no” to what does not align with my values, to say “yes” to what does. I believe that boundaries will assist me to remain spiritually healthy, honest and living a Christian life that is true to myself.  I will still hospitalize strangers with sincerity, but plus prudence next time. And now, I do not agree with “no-boundarism or anti-boundarism.”

Last, but not least, I would like to share Gitanjali 50 by Rabindranath Tagore:

I had gone a begging from door to door in the village path, when thy golden chariot appeared in the distance like a gorgeous dream and I wondered who was this King of all kings!
My hopes rose high and methought my evil days were at an end, and I stood waiting for alms to be given unasked and for wealth scattered on all sides in the dust.
The chariot stopped where I stood. Thy glance fell on me and thou camest down with a smile. I felt that the luck of my life had come at last. Then of a sudden thou didst hold out thy right hand and say `What hast thou to give to me?'
Ah, what a kingly jest was it to open thy palm to a beggar to beg! I was confused and stood undecided, and then from my wallet I slowly took out the least little grain of corn and gave it to thee.
But how great my surprise when at the day's end I emptied my bag on the floor to find a least little gram of gold among the poor heap. I bitterly wept and wished that I had had the heart to give thee my all.