A Reflection

I must confess that I had neglected the little epistle Philemon since I became a Christian. I wondered so much why Sis Davina had chosen this unspectacular small letter as the main teaching material. God not only forgave my spiritual myopia, but also He broadened my spiritual horizon, set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand (Psalm 40:2), through the gloomy days.

I have been scrambling for time, precious time, since beginning of this semester, so much so that I shouted to the Lord “My Lord, I thirst for you, and I also thirst for time!” Previously when teaching in a government school I was already a trained multi-tasked doer. In fact, all school teachers have to be. However, I realized that I must go through great adjustments this year since a series of things on my agenda all the time. Often things did not go smoothly, I had to sacrifice my sleep to pray and pray and pray. Sometimes, frustration and fear crept into my heart and I cried to Him, “Why do you put me in a furnace? Lord, how long must I wait? Will you forget me? Forever? How long will you hide your face from me? (Psalm 13:1)”

Unable to afford much time spent on studies after class, I always kept myself highly attentive in class, trying to catch every single word the lecturers said. However, still, I found no satisfaction with myself. Gradually, I was losing confidence in studying all modules, especially when suffering from fatigue and sickness. Then I decided to quit 1 module which was not a compulsory one – NT Exegesis.  

One day, I had a bit free time, and somehow started to read Philemon, seriously. The Holy Spirit alerted me, “I am not a slave owner! You are not the slave Onesimus, never! Onesimus is not a slave in my Kingdom, but he is one of my sons and you are one of my daughters. How can a father be a bystander watching his daughter struggling helplessly? I am sad to see you don’t trust me. Depend on me and I will surprise you! You will be riding on the eagle’s wings.” I murmured, “For academic thingy, one only can work hard to grab achievements, right? No pains, no gains. That’s the rule. But now, I am too desperate and I want to depend on You, God; or else, whom can I depend on? Surprise me by Your surprises.”

Soon, the first surprise came. Not having enough time for preparation I received inspiration from above and finished a short paper which won me the highest mark. That was far beyond my expectation.  Below is an excerpt from the short paper (Please ignore it if you don’t have time to read it):

Therapeutic culture is one of the features that mark postmodernism. I find secular therapeutic culture tends to satisfy people’s emotional and psychological needs. It may go as deep as touching people’s spirituality, yet it does not help people to find the truth or truthful values. Christian inner healing is different as it heals people’s emotional and psychological wounds, and also it restores the “spiritual man” and leads him to Christ. The danger of therapeutic culture is that it provides spiritual anaesthesia to people who will be inclined to shunning their moral responsibilities. On the contrary, Christian inner healing is a process where Christ Himself deals with human souls through the “bridge” of soul workers of Christianity.

The second surprise was that Ps Emily commended me in class for my performance in conducting a mock funeral. I could see the sparkles of excitement in her big eyes. What a morale booster! Suddenly, it occurred to me that things were NOT as bad as I had thought, and of course I could finish the course of Greek 3. God is able, so am I! My Lord, what is your next surprise for me?

Looking to our almighty God, we can depend on Him for any reason and for anything! Academic achievement is not something I want to share with you. It is the joy that I want to share with you, my beloved brothers and sisters. Any flowery language would still fail me to express thanks to God for He has delivered me from the bondage of the spirit of being a slave, which had disturbed me for quite a while. Now I have crushed that deceitful spirit into tiny fragments and blown them far far away from me.  There has been a divine intention for me to study Book of Philemon at His timing.

Last but not least, a grateful thank and deep appreciation to the teacher in class and beyond class – Sis Dav!